Chronic The Mentally Ill Monkey
by Turbo Speed
Summary: When a lab testing, drugged up monkey in a cage is exposed to a cliche lab accident, he gains powers. He runs and meets everyone's favorite Sonic characters, only to annoy them. Who will he bump into next? It's actually funnier than it sounds. DISCONTINUE
1. A Freak Is Born

Chapter 1: A Freak Is Born

One night in an unknown basement somewhere, there was a Sonic-esque monkey in a cage. Of course, it had spikes on it because it's a Sonic character. The monkey was mentally ill, to put it nicely. He babbled like a moron and banged the bars of his cage with his fingers. After all, he had been used in drug testing, and had been injected with heavy levels of chronic, which made him extremely irritable and impulsive.

A scientist was experimenting with chemicals, and, as usual in these kinds of stories, something went wrong. A violent reaction ensued. The vat levels overheated and everything went crazy.

"OH NO!" the scientist cried out "A chemical reaction that will destroy me and possibly the monkey in this laboratory! How clicheeeeeeeeee!!!!"

An explosion occurred. The scientist was dead. The monkey got up from the wreck. The explosion did something to him.

Perhaps his DNA was altered?

Was he faster? Was he stronger? Was he smarter?

The monkey ran at breakneck speed in circles; too fast for a regular monkey.

"Wow! I'm faster!" he cried "FASTER I AM! FASTER I AM! WHEEE!!!"

He was definetely enjoying himself. He had never had this much fun. So he stopped to throw a piece of the laboratory rubble. He picked up a massive chunk at will.

"Wow, I'm stronger, too!"

He chucked the chunk about 500 miles away. He couldn't see it anymore.

"Wow, I'm smarter too! The square root of a pie plus 17 is equivelant to the sum of the subtraction of... well, I'm faster and stronger!"

Now he set off to find some adventure or something. After all, what would he do just sitting around? 


	2. Chronic Meets Knuckles

Chapter 2: Chronic Meets Knuckles

The monkey ran far in a random direction, and soon found himself near the Mystic Ruins. He continued running anyway, until he saw a cliff with a ramp going upward.

Was he thinking of...

He sure was.

Chronic ran back about a mile, and then charged at maximum speed toward the ramp. He flew high into the sky. He had trouble seeing the ground anymore. He flew higher and higher. Unfortunately, if he had hit the ground, he would have died. Luckily, Angel Island broke his fall.

Knuckles heard a sound. He got up to find Chronic near the side of the island.

"Who are you supposed to be and how did you find my island!?"

"Greeeeeee... CHRONIC CHRONIC CHRONIC..."

"What!?"

"I want some chronic! They gave it to me in the nice cage..."

"Wait a second, did Eggman do any experiments on you?"

"Eggman? Is he the guy who made the easter bunny?"

"...wha- NO! No. Ack. Never mind. Just tell me your name."

"The square root of a pie plus 17 is equivelant to the sum of the subtraction of... a binomial... of a denominator of a-"

"FORGET IT! JUST SHUT UP!"

Knuckles walked back to the Master Emerald Shrine, but Chronic followed him like a lost annoying puppy.

"Stop following me."

"AAAEEEGGH!"

"Look, just sto-"

"AAAEEEGGGHHH!!"

"Would you just-"

"AAAAAEEEEGGGGHHHH!!!!!!"

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU STUPID MONKEY!"

Knuckles had it up to here with the drugged monkey. After giving Chronic a severe beating, he tossed him over off Angel Island where he landed back on the Mystic Ruins through the roof of Tails' Workshop. 


	3. Chronic Meets Tails

Chapter 3: Chronic Meets Tails

Tails heard the lound crashing sound while working on the Tornado 2. He ran inside his workshop and found Chronic on the ground.

"Are you oka-"

"Chronic chronic chronic chronic..."

"...are you alright?"

"The red meanie hit me and threw me off the sky!!!!!!! WHEEEEEEE"

"Red. Eggman wears red. Did he do this to you?"

"No, the easter bunny man did nothing... but I want some chronic!"

"You look like a strange monkey. Can you tell me your name and any way I can help you?"

"I like to beat up fat kids."

"What?! Tell me your name, monkey!" Tails was starting to get irritated

"NYEEEEAH!"

"I want to know your name!"

"The square root of a pie plus 17-"

"WHAT IS YOUR NAME, YOU STUPID MONKEY!?!"

Chronic got up and ran around in circles around Tails. Tails was getting infuriated and impatient very quickly.

"Stand still and tell me your name!"

"The square root of a pie plus 17 is equivelant to-"

"GO AWAY!"

Tails, with his face angry and his teeth grinding, marched out of the workshop angrily. Chronic followed him. Tails felt like he was being followed. He turned around, but Chronic ran behind him whatever way he faced. Tails knew Chronic was behind him, and was becoming irritable.

"Stop getting behind me!"

"AAAEEEGGH!"

"I just want you to-

"AAAEEEGGGHHH!!"

Tails tried to stop, anticipating a third whiney retard scream. He paused for three minutes.

"The square root of a pie plus 17 is equivelant to the sum of the subtraction of-"

Before he could finish, Tails chased him in the Tornado, flying it just above the ground. He was trying to catch Chronic in the super speed propeller. Chronic continued running to escape. Every three minutes, he forgot why he was running, but continued running without stopping anyway.

Just then, Chronic ran into a narrow tunnel. Tails panicked.

"STUPID MONKEY!"

Tails crashed the Tornado because it wasn't small enough to fit through a small tunnel like the one Chronic ran into. 


	4. Chronic Meets Amy

Chapter 4: Chronic Meets Amy

Chronic barely escaped with his life, and he truly had no idea how lucky he was. He continued running through the tunnel at his breakneck speed over some hills. He ran and ran until he made it to Station Square. He continued running. Running down a sidewalk and then accidentally running up a piece of wood like a ramp, into a fire escape, and into an apartment window. He crashed through the window and hit the wall.

Amy ran into her living room thinking somebody broke into her apartment. She had her hammer ready.

"What the- WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY APARTMENT, YOU CREEP!?"

Chronic was extremely startled by the scream and started crying a retard cry

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!"

Amy felt a little bad for making a retard cry, but she wouldn't for long.

"Aw, I'm sorry. Stop crying. Stop crying."

Chronic stopped his loud retarded crying and turned it into some lower retard sobs. Amy was going to talk to him now.

"Now, who are you, and what happened to you?"

"The red and yellow meanies made me sad!!!!"

"That narrows it down to Eggman and... Pikachu?"

"No! The easter bunny man not there!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Calm down. What are you talking about?"

"The square root of a pie plus 17 is equivelant to the sum of the subtraction of-"

"You're not making any sense!"

"You're pretty!!!! HEE HEE HEE!!!!"

Amy turned a little red in the face until Chronic grabbed her chest. She then got furious and slapped Chronic in the face.

"Don't you ever touch me like that, you little weirdo!"

As always, anybody with a huge amount of patience can become easily fed up with Chronic the Retarded Monkey.

"Look, what are you doing her-"

Before Amy could finish, Chronic had gone too long without having any chronic in his system. He fell fast asleep.

Later that night, Chronic had still been sleeping on the couch. Amy felt tired and went to her room to go to sleep. After Amy fell asleep, Chronic woke up and walked around. He found a door and wondered what was inside.

Of all rooms to enter, it was Amy's room. She was still sleeping and hadn't heard him coming in. He still thought she was pretty and saw her tail sticking out of her blanket. He thought it was some sort of little pink worm sucking her blood for some strange reason.

"Eye save you!!!!!"

Chronic grabbed and yanked her tail really hard.

Amy had never been so angry.

Chronic found himself running out the apartment door from Amy, who was holding a sledgehammer. Her other hammer wasn't strong enough to get this kind of job done. Eventually, Amy got tired and stopped running. Then she realized she left her apartment without dressing in daytime clothing. She felt extremely embarrassed and, with a reddened face, tried to run back to her apartment unseen.

Chronic, unaware that Amy stopped chasing her, continued running. Where was he going next? 


	5. Chronic Meets Sonic

Chapter 5: Chronic Meets Sonic (hey that rhymes. Heh heh)

Chronic continued his sprint until he ran straight into a building. He made a huge mark with his imprint in the concrete. Sonic was nearby laughing at him.

"Boy, you need to work on your running."

Chronic got angry

"You purple meanie! Purple meanie! Purple meanie! MEANIE MEANIE MEANIE!!!!!"

"Okay, calm down. By the way, I'm blue."

"Purple meanie mean like red, yellow, and pink meanies!!!!!"

"Eggman... Pikachu, and... Kirby?"

"Santa Claus wasn't there!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I might help you out. What's your name?"

"The square root of a pie plus 17 is equivelant to the sum of the subtraction of-"

"Your name. I asked for your name."

"I like to beat up fat kids and make them eat SALADS. SALAD!!!!!!"

Sonic felt freaked out and irritated at the same time.

"Look, do you want me to help you out or not?!"

Chronic rose up to his feet and ran in circles around Sonic.

"RING AROUND DAH PURPLE MEENIE!!!"

"I told you, I'm blue! I'm blue!"

"Silly purple meanie head. You're purple! We all know that NiGHTS is blue! Silly head!!!!!!!!"

Sonic was fed up with Chronic and his mental retardation, and he ran fast. Chronic gave chase at the exact same speed. Sonic was surprised when he saw himself being chased.

"Woah, you're fast for a retarded monkey."

"You fast for purple meanie head!"

"I said I was blue!"

Sonic, not paying enough attention to where he was headed, flew straight into a rock and hurt himself. Chronic made a really bad slide stop without any skill, and he ran back to laugh at Sonic on the ground.

"You purple meanie! Meanie purple you are! Purple meanie head!"

"You stupid monkey! You're a pest! Stop following me!"

Sonic, still feeling seriously injured, was walking to play it safe. Chronic followed behind him very closely. Chronic's chest was touching Sonic's back quills. Sonic knew he was there and was really close to flipping out.

"Get away from me, retarded monkey!"

"AAAEEEGGH!"

"I said to ge-"

"AAAEEEGGGHHH!!"

"LISTEN TO-"

"AAAAAEEEEGGGGHHHH!!!!!!"

Sonic was really irritated and seemed to be a loose cannon. Chronic ran up to Sonic's face and started slapping him hard like a retard with his super strength while continuing longer "AAAAAEEEEGGGGHHHH!!!!!!" screams.

Sonic snapped.

"GET AWAY!!!!!!! I WANT THE WORLD TO GET AWAY!!!!!!!!!"

Sonic ran faster than ever before. Faster than perhaps Super Sonic. He ran in a random direction. It would probably hurt him when he stopped running, but anything was better than being with Chronic for any minute longer. Chronic tried futilely to give chase, but he wasn't fast enough. Soon, Chronic was generally way off course and running in a random direction. He forgot why he even started running in the first place. 


	6. Chronic Meets Shadow

Author's Note: I've received negative feedback on some of my stories from the people on this site that coincidentally write only serious work, and the ones who write comical work give praise. I notice a trend here... Just to irritate the critics, I'm going to continue a story I would have otherwise left unfinished or deleted. You know who you are. Have fun knowing you helped rekindle the fire instead of putting it out. :D

---

Chapter 6: Chronic Meets Shadow

Chronic ran some random direction. He continued running into some plains with green grass. He ran into a huge rock and hurt himself. But behind the rock, there was a familiar character sitting there.

"I am Shadow! The ultimate life form! Hmm... sounds kinda plain. Maybe if I can add something a little sulkier and use a better tone... and I can make up another attack. As usual, the attack name should have "Chaos" in the beginning of it. Then all my fans will love me more than eve-"

"HEWWO!!!!!!"

Shadow was startled and leaped with fear.

"What are you doing!?" Shadow demanded to know

"The purple meanie was being a meanie to me!"

"Oh my God, you met NiGHTS!?"

"Noooooooooooooo!!!!!" Chronic shouted in a whiney retarded voice "NiGHTS is blue!!!!!!!!!!"

Shadow suddenly felt let-down; possibly because he wanted to know NiGHTS.

The two of them remained idle for about three awkward minutes.

"...so, who are you?"

"I want some chronic! CHRONIC CHRONIC CHRONIC CHRONIC!!!!"

"What?"

"MEEEAH HYEEAH HEEEEAH HYYYEAH!!!!" Chronic mumbled senselessly like a moron while he ran around Shadow and the rock in circles.

Shadow seemed a little irritated, kind of like he always looks, but a little more than normal.

"Stop running! Settle down, you retard monkey!"

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

"Chaos Contro-"

Chronic ran into Shadow face first and hit him before he could finish. Then Chronic looked down at the emerald Shadow dropped.

"Ooh, shiny..."

Chronic picked it up quickly

"Chaos Crap! Ha ha ha!"

Chronic didn't expect anything to happen, but raw sewage suddenly fell from a glowing vortex in the sky directly on Shadow. Shadow got up with even more rage.

"You god damn monkey! Give that back!"

"Ha ha. You're covered in poopies! Ha ha ha ha ha-"

"Give it back or else!"

"AAAEEEGGH!"

"That's my emeral-"

"AAAEEEGGGHHH!!"

"If you don't-"

"AAAAAEEEEGGGGHHHH!!!!!!"

"Son of a bitch!"

Chronic suddenly flipped out and started slapping Shadow's head with his hands while continuing louder, more retarded sounding "AAAAAEEEEGGGGHHHH!!!!!!" sounds.

Shadow punched Chronic and gave him a savage beating. Afterwards, he then used Chaos Control to teleport Chronic somewhere far away. Just to get rid of him. He didn't care where. Chronic fell from the sky over the Team Chaotix Detective Agency and flew straight through the roof. 


	7. Chronic Meets Charmy

Author's Note: This next chapter has Charmy in it. I know a lot of Sonic fans hate Charmy, and if you do, keep reading. He'll get what he deserves.

---

Chapter 7: Chronic Meets Charmy

Chronic fell through the roof of the Chaotix Detective Agency and landed in the entrance room with a loud thud. Vector was out buying a new pair of headphones, and Espio was out elsewhere doing ninja stuff. So who was the only person at the agency?

None other than Charmy the Bee, who had heard the sound of the roof breaking and flew in to see what happened.

"Yay I now know a new person!!!"

Chronic jumped to his feet with excitement and enthusiasm.

"Me know new person!!! Me know new person!!!!"

Charmy flew around in a really annoying way shouting "Hip hip hooray!"

Chronic jumped and started dancing around like a retard.

Charmy pretty much hailed him as his new best friend.

"YIPEE!! Let's go to my room and play with the toys!"

So Charmy tried to lead Chronic into his toy room, but Chronic ran into the main office and started dancing on the table, allowing the paperwork to fly everywhere and things to fall off the desk.

Charmy panicked and ran into the office to stop Chronic.

"NO!!! You'll get me in big trouble!"

Chronic started dancing and swinging on things. He knocked down some bookshelves and broke the windows.

"Stop that, you big monkey meani-"

Charmy was cut off because something brown and slimy hit his face.

"EWWWWWWWW!!!!!!"

Charmy went to the restroom and washed his face clean as fast as he could, because Chronic was still loose in the main office.

After washing, Charmy ran out and tried to confront Chronic.

"Listen, you big dumb monkey!"

"AAAEEEGGH!"

"Get down from the-"

"AAAEEEGGGHHH!!"

"I don't want to get in-"

"AAAAAEEEEGGGGHHHH!!!!!!"

"I HAVE TOYS!!!!"

That's all he needed to hear. Chronic was now listening with open ears.

"If you want to play with my toys, follow ME!!!!"

Chronic ran after Charmy as they went into Charmy's toy room. Chronic went crazy with excitement and followed in close pursuit. He was so excited that he tackled Charmy when they walked into the toy room and threw him at the wall.

"Hey, you're mean, you big dummy head!"

Chronic wasn't paying attention because he was playing with the toys now. He was quickly shoving shiny and colorful toys into his mouth, and they were getting stuck.

"HEY!!!" Charmy shouted out "You're going to get my toys all yucky!"

Chronic, with all the toys in his mouth, tried once again to say "The square root of a pie plus 17 is equivelant to the sum of the subtraction of-" but he said something else...

"Muhf muh moof muh mu mie mufum fum mf mufufumfum fm muf muf mu-"

"Stop it and get out!!!!!!!"

Chronic spit out the toys and flipped out. He started slapping Charmy with his retard slaps and retard screaming. After that, he ran all over the rest of the Chaotix Agency rooms smashing and breaking things. Charmy tried to chase him away.

Eventually, Charmy caught up with Chronic, who was running around in circles in the back entrance area, until Charmy finally had a clear shot to sting Chronic. Charmy stung him while he was turned, and stung him pretty badly. Chronic panicked and ran out the back entrance screaming.

"And don't come back!" Charmy yelled to Chronic as he ran.

Unfortunately for Charmy, the entrance door opened and Vector and Espio walked in.

"CHARMY!!!!" Vector shouted out.

"You're in big trouble, young man!" Espio said angrily.

"No! It wasn't me! It was a stupid head monkey! I stung him but he-"

"Nuh uh! Don't try to lie your way out of this, kid!" Vector interrupted "You're in huge trouble!"

Chronic was running in some random direction away from the detective agency. He ran with the pain, but eventually stopped feeling the pain and continued his mindless running for no reason. 


End file.
